It seems as Christmas is quickly approaching, that I am a little more sad than in past years! This just happened to be my Mother-In-Law, Carols favorite time of year. She would start at the end of November, after Thanksgiving, baking and getting her baked to goods to her family and friends at her apartment. Mainly, she would back fruit cakes for her son, Kevin who LOVES her fruit cake. He was the only one who would get her fruit cake since none of her other kids or grandkids liked it. But this year Kevin won’t be getting any of her fruit cake! And her cookies and banana bread? Well, that’s what me and Melissa looked forward to! Me and her daughter, Melissa loved her banana bread made from scratch with real banana’s. Not the box kind that I make. And her other son, my husband loved her peanut butter cookies! So it’s the little things that seem to be getting to me. She would always wear the gawdy Christmas jewelry that none of us would ever wear but for some reason she always looked so sweet wearing it!
I had a doctors appointment yesterday just for my yearly physical. We share the same AWESOME doctor who we just love dearly and she loves us! I haven’t seen her since Moms passing and as soon a she walked in the room I just started crying! I knew it was coming before she even came in. She loved our Mom a lot and treated her very well and always made sure every ache and pain was checked out thoroughly!! I don’t know of many people who just LOVE their doctor but she is more like family to us than just our doctor! So I just cried the whole time while telling her about the week we were in that trauma unit with mom. She just sat there and let me cry and talk and cry and talk. I don’t feel like I have really had/or taken the time to really grieve the loss of my Mother-In-Law. I loved her a lot and I have a lot of guilt for not spending as much time with her in the past 2 years. I had grandbabies to keep, she got married and it just seemed like we were both so busy. But I feel like I should have tried harder. I am thinking this is a normal part of grieving! I hope it passes soon. I know she wouldn’t want anyone to have guilty feelings.
So I want this time of the year to be a celebration of our Mom! She loved her kids, grandkids and great grandkids with her whole heart! She would want us to carry on with good cheer in honor of her! So we will carry on the tradition of going to the Candle Light Service at church followed by finger foods and gift exchange at one of our houses.
One more thing, it was Harrison’s birthday on the 11th and we went to the Christmas Musical that night then to have cake and ice cream with him. I wanted to sing the birthday song that Mom always sang to us and I couldn’t remember all the words. This really upset me! She has sung this song for each of us for years and I always loved it. To me she could sing like an angel and she didn’t agree. So I came home and googled the song and was so happy that I found it!!
So my prayer for this season is that Mom is watching us from heaven while she is celebrating our Saviors Birth and we are making her proud as we do the same.
Merry Christmas Mom!!! I love and miss you!